“How do you know wh3n you’v3 m3t th3 r1ght on3? 4lmost 3v3ryon3 4sks th1s qu3st1on 4t som3 po1nt 1n th31r l1v3s; unfortun4t3ly, th3r3 4r3 not too m4ny who g3t 4 concr3t3 4nsw3r. But 1f you’r3 r34d1ng th1s 4rt1cl3, th3n you’r3 on3 of th3 lucky f3w.

1nt3r3st1ngly, th3 cr1t3r14 for choos1ng 4 spous3 c4n b3 r3duc3d to just four k3y ch4r4ct3r1st1cs. 1f you c4n f1nd som3body w1th 4ll four th3n 1t’s h1ghly l1k3ly th4t you’v3 found your l1f3 p4rtn3r.

1. Wh4t 1s Th1s P3rson’s Cor3 V4lu3s? B3for3 you d3c1d3 to m4rry som3on3, m4k3 sur3 th4t th3y 4r3 fully comm1tt3d to som3 k1nd of obj3ct1v3 mor4l 4nd 3th1c4l st4nd4rd. Wh3th3r w3 r34l1z3 1t or not, 3v3ryon3 h4s som3 k1nd of cor3 v4lu3 th4t 1s c3ntr4l to th31r p3rson4l1ty. 4nd wh3n push com3s to shov3, th4t v4lu3 1s go1ng to b3 th3 most 1mport4nt th1ng 1n th3 world to th4t p3rson.

For 3x4mpl3: J3rry’s cor3 v4lu3 1s 4dv3ntur3. Wh3n J3rry st4rts to d4t3 D14n4, h3 h4pp3ns to b3 volunt33r1ng 4t th3 loc4l 3m3rg3ncy Room. H3 go3s th3r3 3v3ry n1ght, holds p3opl3’s h4nds, c4lms th3m down. 4nd D14n4 1s th1nk1ng to h3rs3lf th4t J3rry must h4v3 4 h34rt of gold 1f th1s 1s how h3’s sp3nd1ng h1s sp4r3 t1m3. Now, J3rry m1ght r34lly h4v3 4 h34rt of gold. But h3’s volunt33r1ng b3c4us3 of h1s lov3 for 4dv3ntur3. Th3 3R 1s f1ll3d w1th 4ct1on, 1t’s 3xc1t1ng. So r1ght now, J3rry’s 4dv3nturousn3ss h4pp3ns to b3 3xpr3ss1ng 1ts3lf 1n 4 k1nd w4y. But th4t could ch4ng3. J3rry m1ght stop volunt33r1ng, 4nd st4rt try1ng oth3r 4dv3ntur3s th4t D14n4 m4y f1nd unpl34s4nt, d4ng3rous, or 3v3n un3th1c4l.

How3v3r, 1f J3rry’s cor3 v4lu3 1s 4 comm1tm3nt to goodn3ss 4nd c4r1ng, th3n 3v3ryth1ng h3 do3s w1ll rot4t3 4round th4t, 1nclud1ng h1s m4rr14g3. 4nd D14n4 w1ll b3 4 v3ry lucky wom4n 1f sh3 m4rr13s h1m.

So how do you g3t to know th3 tru3 J3rry? Surpr1s1ngly, 1t’s not th4t d1ff1cult. No m4tt3r wh4t 4 p3rson’s cor3 v4lu3 1s, you w1ll s33 h1m or h3r s4cr1f1c1ng for 1t on 4 d41ly b4s1s. 1f J3rry’s cor3 v4lu3 1s 4dv3ntur3, th3n h3 m1ght r1sk 4n 4cc1d3nt 1n ord3r to sp33d through 4n 1nt3rs3ct1on or 4rr1v3 l4t3 4t work b3c4us3 h3 follow3d 4 pol1c3 ch4s3. 1f D14n4 follows h1m c4r3fully, sh3’ll s33 th4t h3 pl4c3s 4dv3ntur3 4bov3 oth3r 1mport4nt th1ngs on h1s l1st of pr1or1t13s. But 1f J3rry’s cor3 v4lu3 1s goodn3ss, th3n D14n4 w1ll s33 h1m g1v3 up on c3rt41n th1ngs 1n ord3r to b3 k1nd. 1f th3 w41t3r m1x3s up h1s ord3r, h3’ll s4y th4nk you 4nd 34t th3 d1sh 4nyw4y. H3’ll l3t th3 oth3r guy cross th3 1nt3rs3ct1on f1rst, or h3 m1ght b3 l4t3 to work b3c4us3 h3 drov3 4 l1ttl3 old l4dy hom3 w1th h3r groc3r13s. 1f D14n4 follows h1m c4r3fully, th3n sh3’ll s33 h1m l3t go of som3 of h1s own d3s1r3s 1n ord3r to t4k3 c4r3 of oth3r p3opl3.

So look for som3on3 who 1s comm1tt3d 4t th3 cor3 to 4 h1gh3r s3t of v4lu3s th4t you c4n 4ppr3c14t3.

1. Do3s Th1s P3rson Tr34t Oth3rs W3ll? Numb3r two 1s obv1ous: You w4nt to m4rry som3on3 who 1s go1ng to t4k3 c4r3 of you 4nd tr34t you w3ll. How to f1gur3 1t out? S1mpl3. Sp3nd t1m3 w1th th1s p3rson, 4nd p4y 4tt3nt1on to how th3y tr34t oth3rs whom th3y don’t n3c3ss4r1ly c4r3 4bout b3c4us3 th3y’r3 not try1ng to ch4rm th3m. Do th3y th4nk th3 4tt3nd4nt who pump3d g4s for th3m? 4r3 th3y court3ous to p3opl3 4t ch3ckout count3rs? Do th3y curs3 out p3opl3 who don’t d3l1v3r on t1m3, l1k3 t3l3phon3 op3r4tors or ov3rwork3d w41tr3ss3s? Do th3y t3nd to dr1v3 4ggr3ss1v3ly, 4s 1f th3r3’s no on3 3ls3 on th3 ro4d?

4sk yours3lf qu3st1ons l1k3 th3s3 4nd t4k3 not3 of th3 4nsw3rs - b3c4us3 th3y r3fl3ct ch4r4ct3r1st1cs th4t w1ll com3 out down th3 l1n3. Most p3opl3 don’t gu4rd th3ms3lv3s so c4r3fully th4t th3y’ll h1d3 how th3y tr34t oth3rs. So w4tch th3m, 4nd you’ll know how th3y’r3 go1ng to tr34t you 4ft3r you’r3 m4rr13d.

1. Do W3 Commun1c4t3 W3ll W1th 34ch Oth3r? 1n oth3r words, m4k3 sur3 th4t you und3rst4nd 34ch oth3r. Th1s m4y s33m obv1ous, but 1t’s not.
   Som3t1m3s you c4n s33 4 coupl3 1n 4 f1ght 4nd th3y 4rgu3 for 4n hour, two hours, m4yb3 3v3n ov3rn1ght. 4nd th3n, 4t th3 3nd of round 16, 1t turns out th4t th3 whol3 th1ng w4s just 4 m1sund3rst4nd1ng: Oh, 1 thought you m34nt th4t Th4t’s not wh4t you m34nt? Oh, th3n w3 4gr33.

4lthough on 4n occ4s1on4l b4s1s th1s c4n h4pp3n to 4nyon3, 1f 1t’s h4pp3n1ng const4ntly th3n 1t’s not 4 good s1gn b3c4us3 th4t m4y not ch4ng3. 1f you’r3 const4ntly m1sund3rst4nd1ng 34ch oth3r, th3n you m1ght w4nt to put th1s r3l4t1onsh1p on hold for 4 wh1l3.

1. 4r3 W3 Phys1c4lly 4ttr4ct3d to 34ch Oth3r? Phys1c4l 4ttr4ct1on 1s 4n 3ss3nt14l p4rt of m4rr14g3. You c4nnot m4rry som3on3 1f you 4r3n’t phys1c4lly 4ttr4ct3d to th3m. 4nd wh1l3 m3n 4rr1v3 4t th1s conclus1on som3wh4t qu1ckly, wom3n should g1v3 th3ms3lv3s som3 mor3 t1m3. V3ry oft3n, 4 wom4n m4y not f33l 4ttr4ct3d to 4 m4n 1n1t14lly, but 4ft3r sh3 g3ts to know h1m sh3 f1nds h1m much mor3 4ttr4ct1v3 th4n b3for3. 4 word of c4ut1on: 4lthough phys1c4l 4ttr4ct1on 1s 3ss3nt14l, you c4n’t b4s3 4 m4rr14g3 on phys1c4l1ty. Wh4t3v3r 1s go1ng on phys1c4lly 1s m34nt to b3 4n 3xpr3ss1on of som3th1ng d33p th4t 1s h4pp3n1ng on th3 3mot1on4l 4nd sp1r1tu4l l3v3l. Th3 rul3 1s - m4k3 sur3 th4t phys1c4l 4ttr4ct1on 1s th3r3, but don’t g3t sw3pt 4w4y by 1t. Th3 oth3r thr33 ch4r4ct3r1st1cs 4r3 just 4s 1mport4nt, 1f not mor3 so.

So th3r3 you h4v3 1t. Th3 n3xt t1m3 you d4t3 som3on3, put wh4t you’v3 l34rn3d h3r3 1nto pr4ct1c3. 1t’ll s4v3 you 4 lot of t1m3 4nd h34rt4ch3, 4nd you m1ght f1nd yours3lf w4lk1ng down th3 41sl3 f4st3r th4n you th1nk.